Holding Pattern

My life feels suspended at the moment.

Six working days have passed, and there has been no movement on the visa. I’ve called. I’ve asked. The response is simple: be patient.

I am just not sure where patience ends and passivity begins.

This “quick” visa run is costing time, energy, and certainty. Bureaucracy has a way of making you feel small — like your life is paused while someone else decides when it may resume.

This morning I felt it properly. The worry. The frustration. The creeping uncertainty about what comes next.

So I did the only thing I could think to do.

I went to the park.

Did I feel like practising? Not at all.
But I couldn’t think of a better response.

And, as always, practice did what practice does. Nothing changed externally — no emails, no updates, no progress — but internally, something settled. My body grounded. My thoughts softened. Emptiness crept in where agitation had been.

A quiet reset.

Half of me still wants to resist the situation, to force movement where none exists. But I know that won’t help. So I will walk with my camera, let the day unfold, and keep doing what I can do.

I also need to return to my fast forms. They matter more than I admit. Maybe I will never teach them, but they teach me — about rhythm, control, balance, speed and restraint.

Fast.
Slow.
Controlled.
Released.

Perhaps that is the real lesson in this holding pattern.

Not everything moves when you want it to.
But you can still choose how you stand inside it.