Mud Underfoot

The last few days of training have been normal.

And yet, they’ve felt strange.

There’s a tiredness that has settled in — not sharp, not dramatic — just constant. The movements are still there. The forms haven’t disappeared. But the pace feels dulled. The explosiveness muted.

It’s as if I’m training in thick mud, every step negotiating resistance that wasn’t there before.

The longer it lingers, the heavier it feels.

I don’t know where it has come from. I don’t even know if it’s entirely physical. It feels real — that’s all I can say. But I find myself questioning whether the slowness is in the body or in the mind.

Am I simply tired from months of repetition?
Or is this mental fatigue wearing a physical mask?

In the end, the cause matters less than the response.

It’s what I’m living with right now. And like every other sensation that has passed through this body and mind, I know this too will pass.

A fellow student said something interesting today. He suggested that perhaps I’m paying off the debt of a past life.

I didn’t respond much at the time, but I thought about it later. If that’s true, I must have been quite a handful in the last one.

This life has certainly offered its share of challenges.

I’m not sure how much I believe in karma in that literal sense. I also believe in free will — in the idea that I can turn right or left and alter the course of my experience. Every choice leading to a different lesson. A different feeling.

Perhaps both ideas can coexist.

Beliefs don’t change reality, but they do change reaction. And if life is the unfolding of reaction after reaction, then maybe that’s where the power lies.

If hardship is karmic, it feels easier to accept.
If hardship is choice, it feels easier to own.

Either way, the task remains the same.

Move forward with awareness.
Control your reactions.
Live simply.
Stay aligned with your morals, your dreams, your bigger picture.

Mud underfoot or not, the path continues.