A funny feeling has been circling lately. I don’t know where it comes from. It could be fear, doubt, or something new for me to learn. All I know is that it arrived with more questions than answers. That isn’t unusual, but it’s one I’d rather not have.
There’s something more concerning, too. The joy of life seems to be slipping away from me, and if I’m honest, that bothers me far more than the questions I can’t answer.
For the last few years, I’ve been very happy. There were ups and downs, but even those felt smooth, a rhythm that belonged. I haven’t felt physically my best for three weeks, and I know that always affects me. But I’ve laughed my way through injury for much of my life, so it’s hard to put the blame there.
As always, when I can’t find an obvious reason, there probably isn’t one. Most of what I’m feeling is being built in my own mind. And if I’ve built a feeling I don’t like, I can choose to build another that I do.
As I write my way through this so-called problem, I can almost feel the cloud that’s been following me begin to lift, carried off by a warm breeze. What’s left is a blank canvas, clean and vast as the creative mind, waiting for the bright, joyful strokes of life.
I like that thought. I like that feeling. It isn’t hard to create, and it’s beautiful to indulge. But the more words spill onto the page, the clearer the message from my heart becomes. If it doesn’t feel right, if it doesn’t fill you with joy, you shouldn’t be doing it.
Experience has taught me that this is the one truth worth living by. But we all know that sometimes we have to do things that aren’t perfectly aligned, a small sacrifice for a greater vision. It’s a sacrifice I must make, and I must make it with a strong sense of joy and purpose.
Jon, if you’re going to do it, do it with a smile in your heart.