The Same Form

The start of the week always carries a sense of possibility. Today felt quietly good. I didn’t learn anything new, but we began a review of Tai Chi 28, and that alone turned out to be revealing.

As you move deeper into anything, your capacity to notice detail grows. What once felt complete begins to open again. The best way I can describe it is this: the Tai Chi 28 I learned a year ago is not the Tai Chi 28 I practiced today.

The form hasn’t changed.
So something else must have.

That contrast sits strangely. I’ve come a long way, and I still have a long way to go. Both truths existing at the same time. Exciting. Intimidating. Motivating. Occasionally overwhelming.

There’s no bottom to this rabbit hole. I can see that now. Martial arts don’t ask for interest — they ask for commitment. A life-shaped one. The scale of that can feel daunting when you stop and look at it directly.

Still, you only get one life, as far as I know. And it makes sense to spend it on something that feels worthwhile. Something that gives shape to the day. Something that lets you wake up with purpose and fall asleep tired in a good way.

The middle of the day belongs to the world. It always has. What you do with what’s handed to you — that part remains yours. And so do the consequences.

Tomorrow is my birthday. Once again, I’ll be away from home and alone. I’ve spent many birthdays like this. I used to wear it as a kind of badge. Independence. Commitment. Proof.

Tonight, it doesn’t feel like that.

It just feels quiet.