Under Pressure

That was a tough week.
There’s no dressing it up.

Sore and painful is the only honest description. My hips hurt all week and no matter what I tried, nothing shifted. Same outcome, day after day. Frustration built quietly at first, then all at once.

Today it tipped into anger.

Not a great way to practice, but it was real. Pretending otherwise would have been pointless.

I’m still trying to move toward the physical, emotional — and maybe even spiritual — state I’m searching for. But I’m beginning to accept that this may not be a short road. It may take years. That thought is sobering, but not entirely discouraging.

What surprised me most this week was how quickly tension crept in once correction entered the room.

During a small review of Tai Chi 28, I was shown that several movements I believed were solid were in fact wrong. As soon as the corrections landed, something shifted. The body tightened. The flow vanished. Confidence dissolved into rigidity.

I could feel it everywhere.

I went from smooth and capable to stiff, guarded, uncertain — not because the corrections were harsh, but because my mind translated them as failure.

That’s the uncomfortable part. I know better. I want correction. It’s the only way forward. And yet somewhere inside, a small voice still equates being wrong with being inadequate.

It’s absurd. And yet it showed up.

I can hold both truths at once:
I need to receive guidance with grace.
And part of me still reacts like a bruised child when it arrives.

On top of that, there’s pressure outside the training yard.

Steph and I are finalising the details of separating. It’s not dramatic, but it’s heavy. Administrative. Unfamiliar. At 56, I’m painfully aware of how poorly equipped I feel for navigating systems most people seem to manage without thought.

I don’t really know how I’ll make it work.

So I’ll do the only thing I know how to do. Move slowly. Read everything twice. Ask for help when I need it, even if that doesn’t come naturally.

Nothing elegant about today.
Just honesty.

And for now, that has to be enough.