It’s been a while since I sat down to write, probably because things haven’t felt that great lately.
As the days tick down to my departure, I thought something might have changed. But the pain from ongoing injuries keeps adding up like compound interest, and I’m starting to admit that change, the way we imagine it, may never arrive. I can accept that. It isn’t a big deal, just the version of reality I’m living with right now. If I’ve learnt anything in two years, it’s that what you’re living with now will change. You can try to shape what comes next, but all that matters is how you react when it arrives.
For me, that means moving slowly and living with what’s next, almost like a life study, finding the highs and lows and learning to enjoy both.
Will it be easy?
It never is. But that isn’t a real problem as long as I can do it with a quiet mind, one that leaves the space to move slowly toward what I want. Nothing grand. The same vision I’ve always chased: a simple life doing exactly what I desire. It isn’t the hardest thing in the world, but it has to be worked at.
Over the last three months, I’ve become distracted by the other business I’m involved in. Not so much by the time, though it takes plenty, but emotionally. It takes a lot of energy to start anything, and this one is taking more than I planned for. That wouldn’t matter if we had a clear vision and path, but right now things feel a little cloudy, as if our thoughts are stuck in a deep valley under fog, and we can’t agree on which direction to start climbing. I’m sure I’m not the first to feel this at this stage of a new venture. I also don’t care. I want to pick one direction and begin the climb.
Training has found its own pulse over the past months. I’m largely training myself, and when questions arise, I ask, take the answers away and keep practising. Some days are lovely, some aren’t, and they all end the same way, so I’m not sure the feeling around a day matters much.
It has rained for the last week without stopping. All I can do is accept it and move forward, without getting caught in the drama of school life and the problems that seem to arise there.
It may not sound like it from this entry, but I like where I am right now, even though I’m looking for a change sooner or later.
So as I approach the next stage of life, it may be time to focus on what it will take to get The Mind Monastery up and running, the way I always imagined it, the way I know it can be.